I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
