Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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