she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
