well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
