someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I checked into jail on foursquare
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
