Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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