the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
