I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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