After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
