I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
