I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
