phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
