dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
