HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
