I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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