I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
