just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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