Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
