He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
