you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
