whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
