i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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