There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
