Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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