You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
