i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
