tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
