All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So much rum. So many feels.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
