There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I checked into jail on foursquare
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
