On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
