You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
