my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
