My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
