I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
