I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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