I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
