Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
