I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
