My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
