just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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