I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
