My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
