What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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