I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
