I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
