She's JV to your varsity
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is it penis luge time yet?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
