She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
