I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
