I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
