Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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