Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
vagina is talking i cant
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
