if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
