I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
