Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
