ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
